I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
