I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
