I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
