My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
