the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
id be glad to
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
