Where did you get a picture of my penis
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
