This is not my ceiling
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
