Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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