i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
