Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
