I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
