I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
