Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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