He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
