have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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