If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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