Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
