in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
