Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
