yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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