Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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