omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
