Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
