I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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