I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
