have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
