omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
