He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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