I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
