i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
