I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
