He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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