I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
