I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
