i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
