I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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