this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
