CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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