How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
