My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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