marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
