I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
