you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
