I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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