somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
