I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
