So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
