I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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