I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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