4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
