she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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