Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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