you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize