Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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