Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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