Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
