Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
