she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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