did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
