I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
