4 words: hood of his car
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
