just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
