The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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