Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
