i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
