the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
