is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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