Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
