Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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