I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
