I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
