Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
