Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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