I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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