He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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