y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
