Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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