Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
