1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
