you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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