I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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