She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
