Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
