It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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