walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
