i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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