i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
