i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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