D3 body, D1 cock
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
