So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
