Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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