I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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