I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
