Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
