I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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