dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize