what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
