Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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