Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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