so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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